Choice Hops and Bottled Self Esteem

I guess I miss a lot of people, some more than others...

Lately these nights have been filled with these feelings that run through my body when the lights go out...


It's one of the questions too, "do you sometimes feel the urge to separate your self from others and be left to your inner thoughts" haha umm where's the answer that says "very fucking frequently." it's ironic to feel this way and share my feelings in the blog, but the truth is I doubt many read this, so it's a way for me to kind of connect with those who feel insulted when I exclude myself.

Another question was something like, "Do you range from being happy, exited and optimistic to sad, tearful, and pessimistic" That's another obvious answer, but I guess everyone feels this way and goes through this. The question I asked myself is that if they go through it this frequently.

I don't let this bother me but like any other nuisance, it itches your spine at times. This would be one of these times I guess.

I have never been one to give direct answers. I always add a "I guess" a "well we could" or "whatever"...sometimes "if" haha. That's because It's not that I'm afraid of the outcome, it's more like I'm curious to see both. Yea
I admit I sometimes do hesitate but I've notices I've been trying to change that a lot. I still hesitate but I end with an answer, not an opinion.

I feel as if lately I've changed a lot, yea I've separated myself from many just because I don't want to be another nuisance, and I've grown closer to others, well...another to be precise.

Not by a lot but enough for me.

Sorry, you might think I'm freaking crazy by now but i don't know, this is how I feel I guess. I know, I'm lame, you tell me constantly haha but i don't know...this is just a side of me. You mean a bunch to me my friend. You don't even know.

Oh and I'm fine, I just listen to music too late. It always gets to me...

You know those songs that the lyrics don't really make sense, but for some reason they relate to you and make you feel like your part of it? Haha I love those

I guess, this is like one of those

Nothing makes sense but It seems like it all applies to me and makes sense to me, makes me feel like I'm part of it.

For now, I'm out

Goodnight

Lights…Lines…Headlights!

As we slid, I entered the stage with dim red and white lights. The place seemed still but with fluidity, as if the still lights continued to show the moving ones. The affects of life's back didn't help the cause. Music played fast yet slow, not symphonically but to the same beat. The night was fine, the drizzle didn't seem to affect wheels that lines could not stop, dashed or solid. It was a lost cause. Comments that spark fire are comments better said to one's self. Even though I leave a trace, don't be drawn away from the facts. The night is young and anything could happen. Life and death might just visit and give us a warm welcome or a rough goodbye. We the unexperienced will never know, or dream close to knowing how it exchanges the most sacred of all things. Maybe it might forget us but for now we just left home and the trip back is a long one. For now, let us depend on the stopping mechanism.

Unpredictable Weather

I really do love the weather, the rainy, gloomy and full of thunder days. This REALLY rare here in South Cali but when it does happen is freaking amazing. I laugh at people who are scared of thunder and lightning. Me being from Puerto Rico have experienced my share of rainstorms, practically ranging from two to seven days a week. It could literally rain for a week straight. Here people are terrified of thunder and lighting, they swear like they are made of metal and they attract all electricity haha.


Well I have a full day of school ahead, hopefully the weather holds

Location:California Oaks Rd,Murrieta,United States

Like Peter Pan

At times that's exactly how I feel, like a kid who doesn't grow old, stays young forever. A kid who's friends he loves but grow apart. They are still the same person they were just, older. I never really got that as a kid. To grow up and lose your childhood? What? That's ridiculous! But it's true, and it's never been more true. Friends grow and find new things, new places, new hobbies, new friends, new passions and it's all normal but it becomes weird when your stuck in the same room. When everyone has explored the whole building and your still in the same room. In that room where experiences that serve as eyes that look down upon you whenever they are encountered again. The room in which the writings on the walls repeat themselves constantly. I am not one to care but I guess we all have a limit.

I am independent, in ways I am codependent of others like peers and parents but then again I'm still a kid. I truly don't mind solitude, I don't get attached to people because I don't want to be the one missing them once their gone. I don't want to be the one constantly thinking of a lost friend or partner. If things happen I guess (like people say) they happen for a reason. The reason and answer I come to is to "move on" I've always moved on and that's I do daily. Challenges approach me and if I do not conquer them I pass them without any regrets or concerns.

People say this is all a bad thing, I shouldn't do this, I should have someone to rely on. But who are they to say? I understand that parents have more experience but that should make them understand even more! They've been through tough times, the people that were closest to them have moved on. Adults don't have friends anymore and as sad as that sounds, it's true. They might have friends but not a "best friend" a person they can tell everything to. They might have a spouse but just because they're married means that they have to neglect every influential person in their life? I disagree

That's why I don't want to grow. Grow apart from people that matter to me, people that still need that peer and mentor or just a friend. It's sad to see such a great friend grow but, the truth is we all have to, I just wish I could stop that....




Another thing I've had in my mind is a certain person, who's name I can't say or else I would be SHUNNED! From all matter relating to ANY of my friends. It's sad to say I have NOTHING against this person, I really don't but it still feels like I'm the enemy, the bad guy, the person who's finger is being pointed at. And it's always been like this, no matter what I do, how much I care, how much i express myself, no matter what I do! I'm always the bad guy, the kid with the horns. The bad friend, the bad example, the bad peer, the bad boyfriend, the bad stranger...even if I try, even if I give it my all! I never amount to anything! Its something that destroys my inner core, it implants it self inside me and just eats away till I'm rotten and fucked from the inside. Its something I've lived with ever since. Ever since, that night, that place, that girl, that boy, that friend...

I don't understand, even when I'm trying to help or when I'm not even doing ANYTHING! It's bad, it's not good, not good enough and It's never going to be good enough. Goddamn it what did I do this time? Have you ever put yourself in my shoes? Have you ever tried to stand on the receiving end of it all? In this side, in which this kid who is just trying to help and fix things always somehow seems to mess up even when he's done his best he is not good enough...what did I do THIS time?




Did you ever wonder if it was you that did the wrong deed? The one that neglected what I offered? the little that I could, because I just can't?! No matter what it is it's never good enough...

To be the judge who says if it's good or if it Isn't?

Maybe your afraid to see past my mistakes and to be honest, I truly don't think you've had any, you really have been a freaking angel. Me being the person that forgives any mistake has nothing to forgive, you being the person that judges has me to condemn.

So go tell your friends, yours Bros, your Girlfriends, tell them what I just said, make my friends hate me. Make me the outcast, the kid who's finger is being pointed at, hate me, destroy me.

I won't hate you, I won't blame you


Even if it might seem as a way to repent for my sins, it's not

I just could never hate you,

Not saying there is any reason to, just saying I could never

So sorry for whatever it is I did or didn't do...sorry for all the times I've fucked up and will fuck up, sorry for apologizing because that's all that I'm good for. Sorry I will never satisfy your needs. I'm me and I guess I can't change. I guess ill never be the diamond in the rough or whatever it is that you want me to be...sorry

I guess I will never be able to be your knight in shinning armor

Time is a Muse

I would love to fly, fly into the unknown...discover what no one's seen, feel how no one's felt. I wish Time would stop for me to catch up, just hold that second in which i got lost. Hes always there but has never cared. He's lived by me my entire life, but always too busy, riding that busy schedule of life. Counting everything to the smallest degree. He was always a tough one, giving you good moments and bad ones, he's always been that way. Never truly satisfying you just leaving you either asking for more or wanting to end.

Time, i wish you'd change

I wish you could wait for me

Better Luck Next Time Prince Charming

Haha well once upon a time, there was a guy and this girl, the girl was the princess stuck in the castle and the boy was the prince, like all other stories the prince gets involved and decides to rescue the princess who feels life is meaningless thanks to her parents, he then rescue her and takes her away, far away, to somewhere neither of them have ever been before he just drove with out a care in the world he ignored all the sunsets and sun rises that went by as he drove, all he cared about was her, nothing else. When they finally got to where they felt was right they just loved each other like usual in the stories, in a sense, they lived happily ever after....for a while, then she felt as if she didn't have what she wanted so she kept It to her self and wrote her feelings in a diary, she kept acting as she loved him but one day, after a while, she opens a door and there he is, the hero, the prince, destroyed...with the diary in hand. He then says "not all knights In shining armor can make your dreams come true, I guess I was never as charming you might have seen"...he then stood up and walked, walked off just like he did when he ran with her, he kept walking until he felt it was enough, she stayed there realizing what she just lost and went back to the castle waiting for the next prince...the end

Haha this is something someone asked me to do haha, pretty crappy

Haha if anyone can figure out the song that inspired me to write this thingy, I'll seriously mail them a dollar

Just Speak Softer Now

To be honest i really have gone too far, and i like it. I finally have the guts to tell myself the truth, not hide it and admit it. Sorry, but that is really what i feel and i don't know how long it will last but its really how i feel.

I take back each time i would i apologize for no real reason and you would actually accept it even though we both knew it was you the one that was wrong. When you would do that it wold only make me lie to my self more. I don't regret the times i was wrong and i apologized. Those times i really did hurt you and i wish i never did. Sorry i was always one day off, one question and conversation short, one comment off. But it was what had to be done, i love you but i hate talking to walls, at least when i talk to myself i listen.

Was it or is it a matter of time? not sure to be honest...Maybe later, when were older...

When your old and i'm gone. When i'm done and you ready. Lets just hope for the best because we all knew my timing was always off. But who knows...maybe another awkward night, or silent stare will make us see deeper into expectations. Those expectations that no mater what i did i never filled.

So ill be silent for now, i'm sure i wont get any word from you until its time for you to demand...

Haha yea, words, words, WORDS!!!!

night

It's Just a Matter of Time

So I just read The Catcher in The Rye, it's a good book I must admit. I love how the author makes the reader relate to the main character, no matter who you are. It's true that everyone has had their times in which they felt as if they had no one to talk to. Those moments that made you scroll trough your contacts and you feel there's no one out there that can help you out.



In the book, the main character Holden gets off a train in New York and he walks to a phone booth because he felt as if now that he's there he should tell someone. He felt as if he needed to let someone know what's going on. At that moment in the book the reader realizes...he has no one, no one at all...not a single person he can talk to...

That's how we all feel at times and that's how I felt but I knew there had to be someone out there that cared or was going through the same crap.

When I got home yesterday at around 11 something I got a txt and call from my friend telling me how badly he wanted to just go out, with out the family, the wife the girlfriend, the kids, no one, just someone that would understand. So waited and then left my house at around 12 something. We went out and just as expected...we were sharing a pair of shoes...we were curiously in the same hole. So we ventured off to Walmart being the only place open at the cracks of dawn even though we both grow a tremendous hate towards it daily we entered and just went everywhere. The place was barren and perfect.

After a couple hours there we just left and drove....




Drove and drove...we didn't know where we were going, all we knew is this is what we wanted to do. So we did, we drove so far we were practically lost in some pitch black mountain. We just went drove like there was no need for tomorrow. There was no worry.

We then talked about what had been decaying our "cerebros" We shared what we had In the compounds of our minds.

We both shared remotely a similar problem, and even though I could not relate to his completely, I helped. I listened and did what I could. He did the same for me and we went from dancing to a song to talking about a serious conversation in seconds, constantly switching off. We talked and did what we had to...

After that we raided Jack in the Box...we ate outside of it and just continued to discuss the inner most things that for some reason no one else in the world or list of contacts could understand. This was not a long text message, this wasn't a talk over the phone that lasted a couple hours and it surely wasn't just a talk between friends it was just pure understanding, coming from the both of us.

We there returned to my house and paled in front of it. Talked for a couple more hours and share the same passion for this band called Te Fall of Troy. For some reason he had been the only person that had felt the same way I do about this band (well same with Danny but then again he hasn't gotten into them as much as we have). We seriously felt the music, the notes, the rhythm, the music it self is what sets the mood, the setting, the feeling. When the lyrics end, he is still telling a story, just with the music. I notice this with a lot of bands but never like The Fall of Troy, Minus The Bear, and Taking Back Sunday. Hopefully anyone that goes and takes the time to listen to it understands me...

From there I went home and knocked out...but with a bundle of thought in my head and a certain song...The thoughts that life can suck, That we waist time caring about the stupid shit instead of what really matters, and the fact that neither of us can never be what is needed, be good enough...

The song?
Maybe I'm Just Tired - As Tall As Lions

As depressing and suck-ish as this might sound it was an amazing night that I doubt I'll ever forget...this is truly what memories are made of...

Haha I guess that's just it...

Throwin' Shapes

I've been gone so long my dog doesn't even recognize me. The food is old and decay has had it's party in my fridge. The only thing that survived was the canned food, the cockroaches and my sofa. The journey was long and it took dedication. I'm glad i finished it but i'm also glad i'm home. People moved, my new neighbors must have thought my place was abandoned. I cant blame them if they thought the worst of that place. What i consider cheese has grown on the plate i forgot to wash before i left and all the walls seem to have the blues, with that eerie feeling to them that reminds you of nights you thought you had forgotten long ago.

The place is barren, no motherly touch in this home. The father ran out with the car and the mom resolved to a planned escape leaving the daughter wondering whats behind the master's room door. Parents or dead flowers... ARG i say! haha i don't know what i'm saying, i like making this stuff up

So now that school is a full time job and recreational activities are a miracle i seem to have no time to do the things i enjoy but whatever..ill get through it

Sooo, i had a crazy idea..i'm still plotting it but i hope it works. It requires you guys (whoever still reads this haha) yea its pretty dumb but i want to do it...ill explain in time, once i get stamps lol

im out

Doctors With No Prescriptions

No, no, no, North Cali! The beautiful haha. This weekend was fun, San jose is an awesome city full of culture and young adults haha. Everywhere you go I feel like there's something to do, something to see, something new to explore. I am truly envious of my sister's life right now haha. The collage life was always something I enjoyed thinking of but in my opinion it has always been an overrated experience that cinema has made into a cliche life of party and nonstop craziness. Yea I can see that people party a lot there but it's nothing like what the films portray. I kinda had my share of party goers when I got in an elevator and a girl busts in screaming hey to someone inside the elevator asking how she's been and what she's up to while everyone else inside the elevator is like "what the heck?" the girl was drunk and in seconds the elevator was filled with the dreadful smell of alcohol, sweat, and Victoria Secret body spray. The girl even apologized for holding the elevator in the for she said she hadn't seen her friend in ages. After she left the girls friend inside the elevator was embarrassed and apologized for her friend being drunk...we were all like "umm yea it's kool O_o" hahahaha it was hilarious me and patty just looked at each other and laughed

Other than that I really enjoyed the collage experience. The laid back environment of San Jose and the cool people I met. Me and my friend Andrew are already planning a trip over there in February because he loves it just as much as me. I took him to north Cali for his first time and he loved it, but we both hated how we didn't get to see what we wanted to see because we were with my parents and they like to do everything fast so we didn't get to explore and get a taste of the city like we wanted to. That's why we are so eager to come back.

I've been really looking forward to


moving away once I graduate and hopefully have a chance to study abroad. I really want to move somewhere and just start a new life and what a better way than to go to another country where everything is new even the language! That would be an amazing experience I would love to have. I love Europe, I fell in love with it when I visited it and that would probably be the place where I would want to go but I also love Japan haha I've been in love with that place since I was 10 and it's somewhere I have to go before I die so I'm not sure but then again I have to see which school I can go to and which schools offer that.

I've been really looking into going to Santa Fe. There is an awesome art school over there and I'm really looking forward to seeing if I can get in. I've already started contacting the school and saying how interested I am. I also love how the city sounds. I've never been there but everyone I talk to that has been there loves it and have endless stories of the place and the art there. It really seems like the number one choice right now haha but I don't know, we will see





Oh while I was over here I got to laser tag and oh my, my!! That was awesome hahaha that was the highlight of my weekend, I wish I could have gone with my buds haha and gone nuts in there lol.

Well I'm out for now I still have like 5 hours left to get home, the ride back is the part I hate haha, but oh well I got my iPod

Bands I listened on the trip:
RxBandits
Band of Horses
Minus The Bear
The Rakes
The Drums
Waves
The Whigs
The Magnetic Fields
Maps and Atlases
The Fall of Troy
As Tall As Lions
And a couple more I just can't think right now haha

So I'm out now
Cya


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

My Lonesome Friend

So here I am, inside a car 7 hours away from my destination, thinking of you. I had a dream about you, you were in white and the wind danced with you like soul mates. I stood aside as I heard your words roll off your mouth into my memory. I savored each one leaving a sweet taste in my mouth. I couldn't help myself but smile each time you would mention me, each time my name rang in my ears it sent waves that dispersed throughout my entire body touching every single corner and empty space. I was a bird and you were my cage, I was kept inside you with no thoughts of escape, more than satisfied with the contents of my new home. I was a ship and you were my anchor holding me in one place but enjoying every single minute of that time, which slowed with every glance we shared. The faces I once recognized only brought back images of you and I was now inside a world of imagery that could only be opened whenever your touch woke me. That same touch that inspired me, that same touch that I now miss and the same touch I hope to wake to every morning for the rest of whatever time I might have left...

------

Yea I felt inspired haha, so I really am inside a vehicle on my way to San Jose which is 7 hours away. Im taking my sister to collage for her second year and I'm going to help her move in. I love San Jose it's a really kool city that is always moving and is alive unlike my hometown (Murrieta) were everyone is asleep at 9:30 haha. I hope to once live in such an environment where people are constantly moving haha but nothing crazy like NYC...

So lately I've been sooo busy!!!


Crap!!! Haha all I do now a days is; wake up, shower; dress; eat and go to school. When I get home I nap until like 6 then wake up to do homework or art! Im taking 3 AP classes (advanced placement, they count as collage courses) and they are a handful...I arrive home bearly awake and with no energy what so ever. I enjoy that I'm tapping more into art but it's so much work for a procrastinator like me! Haha I chose to challenge my self so now I just gotta deal with it...

I got all new acrylic paints and all this cool equipment, I'm really exited but painting is hard work and it's really messy, I'm painting some shoes for my sister and it's been harder than I ever expected. I'm not liking the end result but it's still fun, I'll see how it comes out and post pictures...

I'm taking ceramics this year with my 9th grade art teacher and I love that woman haha in a non-relationship way...that's practically the only class I actually look forward to, other than that is just hard work!!! But I must not complain and I must not make it an excuse haha...

A lot of good things have happened lately and I'm exited for the future

We'll see how it all turns out

For now I'm out

As Tall As Infants

I can't, my feeling won't let me and I'm stuck. I can't think and I can't let anything out.

I have start school tomorrow, I had to do 4 assignments for ap art but I haven't done any, I had to read three books but I haven't read any. I can't think. My stomach is a giant knot and my intestines work as a rope tying everything together. Each drip of saliva is caught in a ball that becomes harder to swallow each time It reappears in my mouth. There is no headache but there is a void waiting to be filled with stress and thoughts of disappointment. I climb only to find there is nothing at the top. At times like these the smart say tears are solutions but the dumb listen to their music waiting for a song to fulfill whatever is missing. Like a song can really make you feel new again. I wish and like to believe but it's only a tool to make the hole bigger and every slow song that passes by tightens the knot harder.

This all is not because of school. Haha school is a joke, I'm not stressed or anything of the sort because of school. I feel this way because of the things that happen in life. Today was an amazing day I spent it with people I adore, most importantly you. I felt invincible and refreshed but once I arrived home I waited. I truly do feel amazing inside but I feel like I missed something important. I wish I could tell you but it's late. You have things to do I need to catch up with reality. Sorry i didn't say anything. I really wanted to say anything but I had nothing to say, like always your true and I'm just an idiot haha. What I said I meant and I don't take back. You've known me, I feel like I've changed but it's always up to someone else to let you know if that is true.



It sucks that I have to step back into life again it was fun but this knot is not working out. You shine so bright and I'm as dull as anyone else haha.

I gotta get back to work

Night

Let's Move On, Into Something New And Beautiful

Let's do it, this might be a good time to do it. I can never meet everyone's expectations but I always said I would and I've never wanted to do it as much as now. People move on and change but they always keep the same image of who the person was previously. They never forget and they never forgive. It truly sucks, I wish people, friends and strangers would see. Just because you never change doesn't mean you should judge me on the fact that I changed and became someone new. I understand that you haven't seen this new person but if you were to be the friend I think you are you would trust me that I will be a better person to you, her, him and everyone else. Just trust me...

I'm not a killer anymore
(lol the ending is totally unrelated)

These are really thoughts that I've contained and have been roaming my head, it's not really a thought more like a direct message to the person I believe to hear this directly from me. So here it is, examine it and never look at it again because this is it. Thank You

Amazing Day

Wish You Were Here

Night


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Robin From Tha Hood

I decided to do my blog before I lose my self in my world (laptop)...so today I saw Robin Hood with a couple good friends at the cheap theaters, yea the ones that show movies that have already been removed from normal theaters. To be honest I truly enjoyed the movie. It was action packed, it had a rich story line and it was filled with those "oh" or "ouch" moments which I love. It kinda suck to see such a good movie be released with a lot of potential and be thrown to the side just because ironman 2 came out the same weekend. I have not seen ironman one or two and I have no future plans on it, Robert downey jr just doesn't impress me. Well he did good on Sherlock Holmes but other than that it's been pretty much the same stuff....so if you have the time and patience to sit through a movie with hardcore English accents I recommend this movie. I am a fan of these type of movies especially the medieval era... Movies like timeline and umm idk Monty Python lol (btw that's my favorite comedy movie)...that's all I have to say, I had tons of fun with my friends today and thanks for the invite I had fun

Night


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Jameson St,Murrieta,United States

No Need For Friends When You Have Elephants

The title is true, blunt and honest...there are no need for friends if you obtain an elephant.







Yea my friends have been retaliating on me lately, they rioted outside my house and threw a Molotov at my car which resulted in an awesome display of fireworks and cops. All because I didn't return Jonathan's super nintendo controller. Cmon man it's been 12 years since I borrowed it, I thought I would see you again. I never knew you I was moving to California and that you were going to raid my house at the age of 16 bringing our entire 2nd grade class with you. Sorry, I should have warned you I'm not an elephant I forget :( please take my apology Johnny...you know I love your mom's cooking and your street fighter...







Haha lol all that is not real and I came up with it as I wrote, no pauses, no thoughts just writing haha lol I told you I'm going crazy...

So lately people have been asking ms why I don't communicate with them. I have been refraining from texting lately and that bother not only one but I guess a couple other friends as well. At first it was just one of my guy friends that contacted me constantly asking me why I didn't talk or txt him. I usually never hang out with him but when we do it's fun and I really enjoy spending time with him. I guess he doesn't see that, I sometimes don't have time to be in places or I'm just too lazy to go but no matter what I trust and believe that next time we hang out we will be as close as we were last time we hung out. He thinks otherwise, I guess to him a friend is someone that spends practically everyday with him and shares everything with him. I love this kid but I can't be that person I'll always be his friend but I can't be the guy he wants me to be. I am me and I don't talk about myself what so ever to friends...that's the real reason I have this blog, it's to be able to say what's in my head and what I truly think without having to tell it to someone directly and even here I have problems completely saying what I have to say. It might sound rude or messed up but people that truly know me know that I'm a hard nut to crack and I usually never tell people what I really feel. There are people out there that I tell things too but I never have one person that I tell everything to. Bits and pieces to different people. I must admit I do have really close friends that I'm more open to but it's the same. I talk to them a lot then go back to the hole I was in. I feel bad but these know how I am, and I'm hoping they'll understand. Sorry I haven't been contacting you lately and sorry I've missed every Late-Friday-night-out/sleepover day, sorry I've missed the chance to meet the new addition to your family, sorry I only hang out with you once every two months, sorry I only I've only called you once on my own, sorry I didn't text you earlier, sorry I sometimes don't get the chance to call you and hear about your amazing day, sorry I'm not dependent and sorry for all those unfulfilled promises...i mean it.







I'll try my best to start contacting you guys as much as I can, I'll hopefully be able to hang out with you more and I promise I'll show you how much you really do mean to me...







Friends are friends, elephants are animals

Location:Jameson St,Murrieta,United States

Hipster, Scenester, whatever

Jesus, I gotta find a place to sit, I'm scaring people. My mom gets nervous when I walk around too much but that's just me. Were at the mall right now and their looking for clothes but I'm just walking around them, something I do without wanting I just do. I can't stand in one place I get bored and start thinking and wondering haha that's why I'm writing. All I can think of is a sustain person, school, a friend, tomorrow and the random girl I just scared haha. I was walking around writing this on my phone and she bumped into me and just opened her wide eyes and no words came out just the regular "...ehh umm" she smiled, turned around and walk way the same way she came. Was it my face? Haha I smiled at her, I understand how awkward It was and how awkward I made it by not saying anything or at least apologizing because It was kinda my fault...I just smiled haha. Well whatever it was it's gone now, the workers are just staring at me because they've seen me walk around for the past 10 minutes staring at my phone and smiling to myself. If I was a worker I would classify myself a freak haha

So all that was earlier today, well yesterday and after going to the mall I kinda realized the "hipster" fashion has been growing a lot and it finally got to my city. I've been aware of this "style" or fashion for ages and I kinda hate how people bag on them. Yea I get mad when the hardcore hipster kids make complete fools of them selfsame and take pride In being a hypocrite but then again they are who they want to be. If hating on mainstream bands and bagging on other people choice of music is what they want to do, let them. I love exploring new music and finding what I call "my little treasures" which are bands that are not known but are amazing. When I find one I keep it to myself because I do agree with hipsters in this, bands usually DO get worse when they go mainstream. Their music becomes overproduced and they slowly become sell outs for about a year then they go back to being who they originally were. So I do agree, and to be honest I hate classifying people, like yea I kinda have to specify when I'm writing but why separate everyone from a curtain style or class or such just because of appearance or likings. Yea I admit I can be somewhat of a hipster at times I do bag on overproduced music but I respect it, yea I dress in somewhat "hipster fashion" but it's because I adore that fashion it's something different from what we've seen. Yea I remember when wearing black meant you were "emo" and crap like that and just a few months back it was all about Crunk and Southern Hip Hop and to be honest I enjoyed the music, yea it was complete nonsense but that's what made it enjoyable, it was something fun to listen to. I myself never got into the whole "crank fashion" wearing bright neon colors and wearing the ridiculous Kanye glasses. I enjoyed watching it but I like to stand out in my own unique way. That's why I'm not that into fashion I just do my own thing and if people like it well that's good if they don't then sorry. That's why I am talking all this nonsense about "hipsters, scensters, crunk kings and such" whatever. It's all just a phase, I just don't appreciate the way people bag on hipsters, the world has respected previous fashions but now all they do is hate and it's ridiculous...oh and on a side note one thing I do not respect whatsoever is when people scream at the top of their lungs that they are unique following everyone's advice and listening to whatever is on tv. Yea I respect the music on tv (congrats) but not the kids that boast about being "probably the most unique kid in the state" when all they do is what every one else does. I don't think that's a bad thing, following the current trend but boasting about being unique when your not is complete retardation...sorry

Eh I feel like an angry freshman


ranting about his english class and how Sally is such a whore haha but whatever I had to say it because it was on my mind...

Keep doing what you do, no matter what people say, who are they to judge? Their just telling you to be like everyone else...

Cya


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

50 and Fleeding

I'm going crazy and i like it

An indication of this is me saying that mere phrase...i had no reason to say it but i said....all day. Haha i spent the day with myself today so there was a lot of talking, i you understand me. Im not gone but i already left. I saw the future while exploring the past and short comings amuse me...what am i saying? i am not sure but i enjoy it, writing complete nonsense even though it makes a lot of sense...

I've been pretty much up to nothing, and im loving it haha, My school starts next Wednesday and i ate that...so i spent my days doing absolutely nothing enjoying whatever is left of the summer doing what i didn't do. This whole summer was full events and short comings and i loved it haha i should stop saying that...

So Ive been infected with with music lately from indie to math from screamo to electronica hahaha

check these people out:

Arcade Fire: i'm still getting used to

As Tall As Lions: Amazing band, check out "Love Love Love", "Ghost of York" and "Song For Luna" (soft indie rock)

Band Of Horses: Supper chill music, i love their album cover

Baths: eh if you like weird sounds and electronica (electronica, trance, maybe industrial)

Big D And The Kids Table: ska to tha max haha (ska, punk)

Blakfish: A harder style of Math Rock (hard math rock)

Bloc Party: their pretty famous and pretty fun haha (indie, pop-ish electronica? idk haha)

haha i have a lot more bands but i don't want to fill up my page so ill continue with "C" next time and i want to say thanks to my friend Teresa for calling me daily and bothering me non stop (in a good way :]) just for me to post my blog and sorry at those that have asked me why i haden't posted anything ill continue with them...hopefully lol

this comic made my day :)

thanks and night

Stories without endings

Long time no see, or talk I guess haha. Well the reasons I haven't been blogging are just complete lazy-ness I knew that if I stopped for more than a day I would lose my commitment...oh well haha I'm going to try to get back in track but no promises.

Now that I'm doing this I truly miss it. Crap happens and now that I've been avoiding this it feels like I have no one to talk about or no one to express my self with. My friends are always a good cup but I'm a listener not a talker...some people don't understand that because they are the complete opposite but other people out there are just getting to understand the fact that I am who I am and it's actually hard for me to say what's inside specially when I'm talking to someone directly. This is a form of talking to almost an anonymous crowd. The reason is cause I don't personally know some of the readers so it's easy to just say what I gotta say. I'm not saying that Im the type of person that would just randomly express my feeling to a stranger I'm just saying I'm the type of person that would walk up to a stranger and ask them their favorite color haha. Some of these readers know me but the thing is they read and they are fine with that they don't ask or anything and they are more than welcomed to do so I'm just saying that they don't haha.

I'm currently spending a whole


week in Palm Desert, CA with my family and a bunch of my friends. We got here Friday and it's been awesome we've done so many things it's not even funny haha but I must admit I have found myself bored. I was also at a concert with my nigga last week. We went to go see the Scream It Like You Mean It tour. The tour had six bands with Silverstein headlining. To be honest I only went to go see two bands...We Came As Romans and Dance Gavin Dance haha I have always bagged on Silverstein and Emery, I had never been a fan. We left the house at like 5 when the show started at around 445 haha the house of blues was around 2 hours away in the sunset boulevard in LA. We got there just in time to see WCAR's last two songs and I got to see DGD's full set. Then emery and Silverstein came and I just enjoyed the show they played good and I had fun haha. I moshed and got down. We ended up at a drive-thru of Jack In The Box and getting home late it was pure fun haha...

The week spent here at the desert has been complete relaxation haha there have been little things that bother me and such but that's also been fun haha...I've had time to just relax and talk to by friends about life and such, something I enjoy. We met some friends but I think we scared them off haha


I'll post another blog in a bit, later on...

Night for Now :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

So Far Left, It's Right

Hello there, its been a while haha

So i took a little break from the whole daily blogging to come up with better thoughts and such. I felt like the blog kept getting dryer and dryer so that was my end result. But now im back and my mind is full of thoughts and my phone is full of pictures haha

This past week has been rather chaotic, in a good way. Instead of staying home and doing nothing like usual summer days are spent in this bare city i spent them doing unimaginable things!!! like....walking haha and doing stuff haha

The week was full of random encounters with people i hadn't seen in ages and fun times with the usual people i kick it with. I bearly got any sleep this week and it hasn't been a problem what so ever. I would explain every day with clear details if i could but i am a goldfish and my memory is joke. I don't remember crap haha. Non the less i had loads of fun. My cousins that were staying at my house are now gone and ummm i don't miss them haha they were fun and all but i usually don't miss people, as sad as that might sound. I had loads of fun with them and i can't wait till i go visit them in Puerto Rico this winter.

Another big thing that happened was my friend is now married. The kid that ive known for the longest time is now married. congrats :)

My undeserving break brought about multiple things, it actually got me to work on my art a little more and I got a couple sketches done. They aren't too great but yet again their just sketches. My summer is kinda screwed now. My art teacher sent me my summer assignment to enter Advanced Placement Art and it's a B****....I have to go out and buy over 100 dollars on supplies for a class that is going to be useless thanks to the unprofessional teacher I have. Whatever. My drawings have been getting better and no thanks to him... The sketches that I'm showing were completely out of randomness. The one with multiple arms wasn't even meant to be that. I started to sketch lines and ended up with arms and finished with a man. I didn't know what to do for the faces so I kept them white on both...I look at my art and I am proud but I usually end up throwing it aside or hiding it because no matter what I draw it usually ends up being amazing through my eyes but horrid through the eyes of others. I still haven't found support for the grotesque art I make and enjoy so I tend to back off on it, especially on a class where everyone loves drawing pretty eyes, mountain tops, hearts, beautiful portraits and babies...this is not the place is belong in haha

That brings me to my recent thought. After seeing peoples life's and reading peoples adventures, I am eager to leave this town. I don't hate this town, I believe it's a great place to live and grow up but not a place for free-minded, imaginative people. The whole city is built on a rubric that people must follow. Well that's how I see it. People here don't see a problem so they don't change or explore. Big cities are where people don't know each other, but friends are abundant. A place where everything you need is around the corner and repetitive. Where walking is recommended and driving is ridiculous. Haha cities like LA, Seattle, Santa Fe, San Fran, NY and others. This is what usual teens say and think of but I find myself finding a deeper though in it. I don't feel the need to escape my home or get out of this place, I just think it would be easier to be myself in those places where people don't care but they express.

This also reminds me of another thought or I should say, feeling. That feeling of being needed. This is not something that bothers me frequently but I always think of it...Do they really need me? Am I just an object? Am I here just for them? Crap like that, I usually never ask my self this but when I do I find myself in a crash course of realizing little details in people but I always end up where I started...not caring haha. It's just that simple, those things don't bother me. I don't care, I love doing things for others in return of nothing. Reviving doesn't make me feel alive, exploring, living, and giving is a good enough present for me haha. It's that simple...

In between the last paragraph and this one there was a time gap...even though you can't see it there was a pretty big one. The last paragraph was written past monday and it's now Sunday. I originally wanted this break to be a week long but things happened that made me extend it. I also realized I'm afraid of posting this because that means I have to go back to doing it daily and even though I've missed it sooo much I feel like I am not ready. But I am and I will post this today.

I'm that extra week so many good things happened but so many went wrong as well. I

don't want to explain just know that at times I felt like I was truly enjoying myself but now I kinda feel like a complete asshole by ruining someones special day, their birthday...sooo yea that's all I have to say about that...I just came home from watching the movie inception...go watch it, it's practically lucid dreaming gone crazy...if you haven't read my previous blog about lucid dreaming check it out, you might be interested in it if you liked the movie or at least the concept of it...

I'm now out...ready to start again

If I feel it or not so for now...

Night

Everything Seems Like A Lie When The Truth Is Told

Onwards with adventure, this morning I found myself laying on a trampoline looking straight up at the sky stuck between two people trying to sleep. When they left me and Danny were now inside sleeping bags which we called our "Caccoons" which came after a short discussion about an old show called Venture Brothers. "To the caccoon! My monarchs!" haha it's a pretty funny show. Then we used them as a transportation device and jumped our way inside the house and watched Valentines Day. I must admit, it was a pretty kool movie, but pretty sad though. Then I laid there while everyone else woke up and watched Half-Baked. The breakfast was made but I bearly ate. About one hash brown and a scoop of eggs. It wasn't long until we had to leave and I was home thinking about the fact that I had not gotten any sleep what so ever in two days. Our family then decided to adventure



I showered, got ready and jumped in the car. My first thought was to take a nap in the car and by the time we pulled out of our main street I was already gone. After an uncomfortable nap I woke up thinking I was on my way to vegas. The desert was all around me and cactus were the only plant in view. I was a little shocked. It was the usual "wait but I only slept for like 5 minutes" Yea, that's me....I took pictures of the landscape because it looked really kool. Then I realized we were going to palm springs. There we stopped at a Pizza Hut and there was were I posted my last blog. I ate like a pig and licked the grease dripping from the pizza (that's kinda nasty). Afterwards we went to the town and my dad had the brilliant idea to get off in 110 degree weather. Yeeea not so kool, we were all practically dyeing by the first 3 minutes, my dad insisted to continue walking but we convinced him not to. We then got on the road and I fell asleep again. I was then woken up by sharp turns and ups and downs. I was on my way to lake arrowhead and I truly enjoy it up there but I hate the drive there. The sharp turns the fact that your body won't stay still and then when you body slides from one side of the leather seat to the other...my god.

Once there we walked around and chilled at a park, they took pictures and I relaxed. I listened to a lot of music and found out about a couple new bands thanks to LastFm. We walked and stopped at McDonalds, I got a sweet tea while everyone else got ice cream.



The day then ended when we all decided to leave, we got home I napped and woke up to play guitar. I listened to music, talked to a friend on the phone and now I'm here, laying bed doing this...I'm probably going to watch some house and head to bed,

Night

America, The Oh So Great

So yes it's late but I'll explain in a bit

In my last post I ended the day


with a simple "night" like I always do, not thinking of the possibilities of the night extending. Well that's exactly what happened, Andrew hit me up and I left the house at 1 in the morning. We were celebrating and this time for reals. The last bachelor party was canceled and we were not able to do anything but this time we were actually doing something. Who cares If it was just three of us haha.
I got picked up and we headed to I-Hop! Haha there we had some hilarious conversation involving Japanese condoms, which I'm not going to explain, and we ended up scaring our waiter so much he had to escape from the back door. After that we left and went to Andrew's and Eddie's place of worship (I'm not sure of the name so that's all I'm going to say) if I recall correctly, Eddie is son of a head person of the church and he had the keys to the place. We went in and to be honest I was scared, the whole fact that it's a holy place and the fact that i always thought trespassing private property was a stupid crime to get in trouble for. There I learned more about their religion and how things work in there, he made fun of a couple things and people and we talked about dumb things like Left 4 Dead and BioShock haha. The night ended after that, I got dropped off home and I realized....that was just what I expected. That was the best bachelor party I might ever attend, It was really what was needed and what was expected, one of the chillest most memorable night. Thanks




So yesterday, the all glorious forth of July! Yeeeea big flipping woot! Me being puertorican, horned and raised there, I truly take no pride in this country, I am thankful of the place I am in and for all the opportunities I am given but I am a puertorican at heart and nothing can change that. If I were giving a choice to go back to Puerto Rico or stay here I would pick to stay here. I have my reasons and it sounds hypocritical and contradicting but It's another topic I have not touched on.

The 4th of July was spent at a park of my neighboring city, there I spent the day with friends and family, I ate weenies and enjoyed my time there. We stayed for fireworks and sat and watched, they were pretty kool, gotta admit. From there i got picked up by crystal's mom and Gaby and Vero, I were going to sleepover at their house. We picked up crystal at work and stopped by my house. From there we arrived at their "crib" and had loads of fun. I am going to explain all these exiting times in the next blog because I feel like this post is a little too long and I'm about to eat soo...

The first pic is a monster Andres drew on my fire extinguisher, and the other one are the fireworks...

I'll post another one later on

Stars, Stars and No Wish

The stars are out today, it's a beautiful sight. It's pretty common here but sometimes I don't appreciate it or every now and then the earth seems to be corrupted by light and it cover nature's beauty. The earth knows all the wonders it beholds but it is envious of others. Others where there is no one to block these wonders. Where the human race grows on top of what used to be the true natural flow, something that we now see as a specter or something of similar. Something rare and beautiful, but at the same time it can be shocking and terrifying. It's almost like the idea of love, people search for it and make an image for it but they don't stop to realize it's all around even if it's not the same pretty picture someone once drew for you. Love can be harsh but at the same time needed and breathtaking. Just like nature and that's why I love it so much haha.

That all was pretty random haha, today I went to a friend's graduation party. With that I congratulate you my friend, my hugging buddy haha. Whatever challenges may come forth I'm sure you'll be able to overcome them, so congrats and good luck. There I had a good time haha, I spent time with a lot of friends and talked about lot of things. I was also thinking of things that bother me, I'm not one to be annoyed or bothered but certain things bug. The one thing that gets on my nerve is when people tell you they gotta tell you something and then they never do, or when they tell you they have to ask you something and when you remind them they tell you it's not important haha. It's something simple but it bugs me, I don't care how insignificant that question was, I don't care haha I just wish to know.

There are other things that bug me but I don't really like complaining haha. Today I was thinking of how people try and try but never achieve. I ask my self, "did they not try hard enough" or "was it just not meant to be" and I never find an answer. There are times when the failure is so unexpected, I am shocked and found in amazement. I try for this not to bother me but sometimes is just some people really deserved it. I don't know, maybe I was wrong or maybe "it just wasn't meant to be" they both seem like a dumb excuse.

So that's all folks...I don't know but I'm going to watch some House, I'm obsessed with that show!


The picture is unrelated haha

Night

Bridges I Can Not Pass

Yea, im late...whatevers

I really want to continue with the whole log thing but i have seriously been too lazy. I've spent days doing nothing. I see this as a chore or a duty but thats not the truth. When i started i feared getting to this point. When i see other's blogs and similar things i see that it just needs getting used to. If i can constantly do it i will become used to it and it will be something required for me to sleep, something that if i don't do i will feel betrayed by my self. Yes, i have explained myself before, i am a procrastinator but everyday life gets a little rougher and i can't be leaving things in a bag stashed aways because when i least expect it that bag is going to be in front of me and its going to be huge. So this is a sort of discipline or learning block to improve myself. I have never been the one to try to help myself do crap. I usually continue not doing anything or not giving a damn about life and i succeed. I see so many things everyday and realize and can't leave everything up to luck and chance. I usually let people decide and i go along because to e honest nothing bothers me. People have stepped on me before and i have not cared what so ever, if thats what they need to do they can go ahead and do it even if it means leaving me on the side. I also understand that this is not a way of living and i'm not the type that lets things slide by, i see them and administer them but when i see that they mean no harm to me i just leave them be and i continue to watch them as they affect others. It's somewhat selfish, to just sit back and watch but then again i'm peoples doormat for what ever they attempt to do.

I got a little out of line but what i'm trying to say is that i need to continue this and be punctual about it. If i do this i can learn to be the person i'm supposed to be haha..get me? Even if no one cares what the hell i did that day or even if no one reads these im still going to do them to better myself. The few people that read these is the reason i got to realize that i need to keep doing this. Not to be loyal but to become who i need to be haha...this might make no sense but whatever, its whats on my mind and its pretty pointless

The picture i took yesterday and i found it funny because i could not distinguish if it was a male or female. The artist clearly added female attributes but made his face with a male in mind. His string jaw and chin line, broad forehead and rough neck...i'm still not sure

so ill post something later on for todays adventure

see ya

Hooray!

Today I got to hang out with two of my friends but most importantly one that I had not hung out with in a while. This kid is crazy in a literal sense, this is the type of guy that is always down to do anything...even jumo off a roof. But at times he becomes that friend that you see a lot and everything but you still question your self asking if your still close to him like you use to. You know he's your friend no matter what but you just haven't been there for him in ages so you just feel like he's distant. That's how I at first felt with him. I love thing kid but I've just been doing things and he's been doing his own stuff as well, we have not had time to kick it. Well when he got there we walked a but load but just by the first couple minutes I knew this was the same fool I've always known. He's still crazy, he's still hilarious and he's still down for anything haha. My other friend felt a little weird well cause this is only like the 3rd time they hang out together so he was still getting to know him. Me being the crazy kid I was with him and the kid I still am now started singing "Dancing Queen" at the top of my lungs as we exited Target so he could attempt to dance to my singing. It was hilarious, i also made a hip hop beat and he came in and actually rapped and made it flow like no ones business haha. We used to be both crazy but I calmed down. I for some reason didn't want to do dumb things anymore, I'm not sure why. One of the reasons is that we bearly saw each other and when we did we just kicked it, nothing special. Thanks to today I was pretty much able to remember the old days when a lot of crap didn't matter. When you making a complete fool of yourself was one of the most hilarious things you could do. When sticking your head out of the car and singing Taking Back Sunday and Bayside lyrics at the top of your lungs was the most stress releasing thing you could do. Those were the days.

Well kicking it with him pretty much deprived me of all the energy I had. We walked a lot so n we got here I showered and slept. I just napped and napped haha. It was pretty relaxing, sleeping while listening to Minus The Bear.

"we talked about growing old and filling the future's empty stage"

"I hope the weather holds, but you don't need the sun to make you shine, these island towns don't care for city folk but I know we can start the city from our minds...I know we won't run for much it's just you and me and a bed and a shoreline"

These are both lyrics from what must be one of my favorite minus songs. "This Ain't A Surfing Movie" the first phrase is a piece I always loved and the long verse is actually the last thing he says in the song and it's why it's my favorite. It always reminds me of a very special friend. That same friend provided me with the second picture of the hibiscus flower. I must admit it's very beautiful and it's served as my background for a couple days now. The first pic is my crazy friend being a pirate haha and the third picture is from my other special friend that sent me this crazy as pic while I was writing this up. I must also admit this picture is pretty extreme, these girls should be pros haha.

Other than that, that is all I have to say today. Hopefully this post was a little more dedicated that the other recent ones that we pure crap. Oh and Hooray to the fact that it's July!!! Haha the title of the blog is also a song by Minus The Bear so check that out haha

Alright

I'm out

My Sharona

So today,




It started out pretty simple. I woke up and hung out my room, I then started to listen to my music when I was rudely interrupted by my sister. I got ready and headed off to my friend's Fernando's apartments to go swim and eat some weenies. We got there, cooked some hotdogs on his grill and went to the pool there we kicked it for a bit and I ate 4 weenies. We then go in the pool, hung out played and stuff. I gotta admit I suck at holding my breath underwater but I dominate at chicken haha.

The day then went on, I went home and Fernando is now spending the night at my house. My sister went to go see avatar the last Airbender on the midnight premiere while me and Fern kick it here at home. I'm kinda hungry though.

I'm going to let you guys go cause I have nothing to talk about, I should get back into being more dedicated in my blogs but then again I'm probably the laziest kid you know :)

I thought that pic was funny enjoi

Night

Sorry

So I just opened my computer and realized I never posted yesterdays blog so I dint even bother to post it, sorry I will fulfill my need to post today probably late, sorry yet again


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Misjudgments On The Dinner Table

Today was spent at home, i woke up late and stayed home all day. I never saw the sun and if no one requests me to catch a glimpse of the moon it will stay unseen by my eyes. Yep. Thats all.

Well i'm not going to leave a completely useful post empty. So lately i haven't been texting people. I have never been a big "text-er" but its pretty weird to find myself not communicating with anyone outside my house for a whole day. I usually have people texting me just to talk and such but today that was not the case. I had a couple text waiting for me to reply on my phone but i never replied. I'm not sure why. I woke up to a text that i quickly thought of a response for but i just didn't reply i'm not sure why...It was something about yesterday's mushroom incident, i knew if i replied this was going to be a fun conversation but i don't know why i didn't. Haha i received another text from someone i hadn't talked in ages and i also received a couple more different ones but i didn't reply what so ever...

Even though the day was spent inside and pretty lonesome I enjoyed it. The day went by super fast. Probably because i woke up at 2pm. I also spent the day listening to TTNG, I seriously need a new band. I heard this awesome band yesterday! but i didn't find anywhere to download their music so i haven't gotten into them what so ever.

I really want to talk about something, like i feel like this post is pretty pointless (which is the point of the blog) but i still want to talk about something. I just don't know what. I guess im talking about not being able to talk about anything, or at least come up with a new topic. SO i guess that's todays topic which i did not really discuss....so im out i guess

The title is completely random, and the image is a picture i took about 30 seconds ago of my desk. Here you can see a neon green towel, a knife (i have a lot all over my room), two skin tones socks, unopened water, sharpie, candy and my computer screen open to itunes....yay

night

Yet Again

So yet again I post this late! Man! I almost forgot too....

Today was chill, I went to Church, And hung out with my family. We went to go eat at a Cuban restaurant and it was really good and all but something really nasty happened. So I ordered chicken and it was like on a sauce and it was good, I ate about half of it and I was really enjoying it. Then I look down at the plate and I see something, when I first saw it I was like "no It can't be" I took a closer look and there they were!!! Mushrooms!!!! They were swimming with my chicken!!! Oh my god! I almost threw up! I set it aside and without freaking out I just ate my rice and beans. This was so disgusting I could not even look at it. Oh by the way I HATE mushrooms! I wanted to call my friend crystal and just scream at her because it was probably her doing somehow. She's that one friend that always contradicts the one thing you hate the most and she always eats mushrooms just to bother me. That is probably why it was her doing.

Afterwards we went to some mall and shopped and crap. I didn't buy anything. Once it closed we raided krispy kream donuts, haha and we bought some. We headed home and I read some of Manny's book then talked on the phone with a friend. Now I'm here doing this haha

I have no alternate topic today I'm too lazy to talk about anything else. I'm going to watch some House :)

The picture is a random one I took last time I was in Santa Monica...enjoi

I'm out

Night